Since I have turned 30, the stress of getting married has surprisingly gone away. Before when the days started getting closer to 30, I prayed that I would at least just meet my husband before 30, at least that.
I don’t know if that is true, but I do know that my heart is in a place where I am not willing to accept anything less than being treated like a queen.
I refuse to chase after a guy to make it happen.
I refuse to play games.
I refuse to be treated like an object.
Something has happened in me. A confidence. A declaration. I will not settle for less.
For the last 30 years, I have been desperate for love, but I found something different. I found guys who used me, guys who lied to me, guys who had agendas, guys who just wanted my attention, guys who were unmotivated. I would just bend over backwards for these kind of guys believing them, thinking they could change. But it always ended in heartbreak, not for them, but for me.
I was willing to sacrifice anything for the love that I craved, seeking the wrong love. I will not find a love that satisfies me from a man. The only love that will be satisfying, never ending, and never disappointing… will be God’s love for me.
Although I do want to marry someday and have someone to do life with, God has me right here in this moment experiencing being single so I can feel it, understand it, and speak about it. God isn’t holding out on me. God isn’t hiding anything from me. And every day I become more and more secure in myself.
Over the many years of being single, people have said many of the following…
- “Once you stop looking, then it will happen”
- “I wish I could see you married/with a family/etc.”
- “Be patient. It’ll happen when you least expect it.”
- “Why are you single? You’re so awesome” (Dude, I know.)
- “You should try online dating. My friend met their husband/wife that way.”
- “One day when you’re married, you’ll wish you were single.”
- “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
I know that people are trying to be encouraging. I really do, but it is not helpful. It can actually be more hurtful than helpful because it just keeps sounding like people are pitying me, like I have a disease, like I am incomplete.
I have moved on from staring at the things I don’t have, I really do not need you to bring attention to it either. I am saying this with love too, not trying to be rude or sassy. Instead, encourage me with God, my family, my other relationships. In fact, I need you to do this, so I do not stare or dwell on the fact that I am single.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
To The Single Souls 
If God has taught me one thing, it is to be very specific with what I ask Him. Since He is listening and is quick to make things happen. In any area of your life, be specific in what you want and how you want to get it. Don’t feel silly as if your asking too much from God or that your “sinning” by being selfish. He WANTS you to have what you want! If you say I am always getting it this way or that, that is what you will get. Meaning if you say “I look horrible”, God will say, “If you will it to be so, I shall too.” Will your way, His will is for you to have everything. There is nothing out of God’s power or is there? Can he not make to be what you dream? That is His only wish! Dream so that He can make it happen. And that goes for everything.
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