More than an Object.

I am writing this with frustration and pain. There is a certain type of guy that is constantly attracted to me. I am not sure if other women out there experience this very same thing, or if maybe it’s just me.

But, there is a type of guy that constantly sees me an object. I am a physical encounter, something to admire and fantasize about, something to say sexual things to.

I honestly just thought that these kind of encounters were normal and that I just needed to deal with them in my own time, but for some reason, my most recent experience just left me in tears because I am so tired of this. Since I was 15 years old, I have been treated this way.

It just makes my heart hurt. I feel beaten down. I feel torn up. I feel used simply by the words that were spoken to me. Words and actions that make me question my value, my worth.

What these guys are seeking and what they are valuing, does not define my value. But, it still is a crappy feeling, it is still hurtful, and it still feeds a lie. There are times when I have felt guilty for not giving men what they want, and that sickens me too.

I can’t tell you how many times I have thought about writing a post like this, but I haven’t because that would mean I would have to admit to having men abuse my heart and take advantage of my body. That’s not something I have been wanting to admit and write about, but I honestly can’t take it anymore. I can’t even imagine girls growing up in the age and feeling this immense pressure from men to give in. Between Tinder hooks ups, the media, bar scenes, and porn. Sex is readily available for men, and it is affecting how they treat women.

I have been asking myself, “Is there something I am doing to attract this type of guy?” I honestly can’t think of anything. I mean within 5 mins of a conversation with a guy, he alluded to us hooking up.

I think what I need to start doing is being more verbal to the men that treat me this way. I need to verbally tell them that what they said is not okay. The way they are treating me is not okay and how it makes me feel. This is going to be a little difficult for me because I am the type of person to go with the flow, not have a problem with people. For me to verbally stand up in the moment will be a difficult task for me.

Lord, I pray for boldness to stand in your authority and proclaim my worth to anyone who treats me as less than what I am. I pray for anyone who is reading this that is also experiencing the same anger and pain that you also give them the same boldness and that we are all able to stand together in unity and speak truth over ourselves and fight the words from the enemy. Jesus, we desperately need your help in the battle, and we cannot do this alone. Be our protector, our nurturer, our shoulder to cry on. Take away our anger and pain, and give us the strength to walk through this battle and to defend ourselves. When we walk in your authority, we are covered by the blood of Jesus, and we will not be shaken. Amen.

Isaiah 43:2 (NIV)

² When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.