Every so often, I do this thing where I think about my past. I dwell about the choices I made, the friendships that were spoiled, the guys I dated.
Usually, this happens because something triggered a memory that causes me to open up the entire file.
It’s more than a reflection for me though; I re-live the memories all over again. Feeling the good, the bad, and the ugly.
So my once healed heart and mind is now exposed to everything I have fought to move past. I almost feel like I have to forgive and move on all over again. It is really draining, and it causes me to question if I ever healed in the first place.
I am starting to see though that I am healed, and it’s the enemy’s agenda to draw out the past, to cause me to question, to cause me to stumble… again.
The choices I made had consciences, but Jesus took the fall for me and my sins. The friendships that ended hurt me deeply, but Jesus coached me to forgive and has given me an abundance of friendships. The guys I dated left open scars and made me question my self worth, but Jesus healed me and opened my eyes to my identity in Him.
This healing process for all of these things did not take a day or two, but years. And the enemy knows this. The enemy likes to bring up the past and tell us that there is something lingering. That’s the whisper he implants in the back of our mind and then he taunts us with our memories and in our dreams. He wants to take a knife and slowly open up the scars again.
I now realize that I need to approach this the same way I approached the negative thoughts I believed about myself. I need to fight. I need to protect my heart and mind with the armor of God, and I need to fight with the truth that Jesus has completely healed me.
He washed me of my sins.
He helped me master forgiveness after holding onto the pain of failed friendships.
He put my heart together again after guys have completely smashed it.
Jesus is my healer, and I need to continue seeking Him, especially when I am tempted and haunted by the past. He is making in me a new thing. The past doesn’t matter anymore, Jesus has healed that and IT IS FINISHED. I need to fight the lie that I should feel shame for my past choices, feel pain from those friendships, feel heartbroken and unfinished from those guys. Jesus has healed me, and I find freedom in that truth.
Isaiah 43:19 (NIV)
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
To The Single Souls 