Single Is Not A Problem

I know a lot of people have said this, and I know I have said it before, but this is a whole new level.

I am okay with being single.

I think before I wanted to believe it or just allowed myself to be “busy” to mask my actual feeling of loneliness. For the longest time, I had it rooted and engraved in my mind that if I was single that meant I was lonely.

This is not the case.

I am not lonely. Something has changed inside me, and I no longer feel loneliness because I am TRULY and COMPLETELY 100% involved with God, and that is ENOUGH for me.

Sure, I have my weaknesses, and I miss the past sometimes, but I do not regret it. Within the past year and a half, I have grown so much in life and with God. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

It may sound crazy or impossible… to be okay. To those I would say, I have been there. No matter how much I would try to give my “single” situation to God, I would still have this expectation, and I was still waiting for something to solve my problem. I wanted results, and I wanted them now.

My singleness isn’t a problem for God to fix.

My one and only relationship that I need to care about is with God. He wants me to pursue Him, seek His face, and know Him.  And I want Him to know me.  Right now, I am more satisfied with my life than I ever have been because that’s all I want… God and Me.

That’s all I ever needed.

 

Psalm 52:8 (NIV)

⁸ But I am like an olive tree
    flourishing in the house of God;
I trust in God’s unfailing love
    for ever and ever.

Defining Me

I will admit that I have been in a funk these past couple of months. It was like I let myself become depressed and anxious. I do believe that it was partly because of this guy that came into my life.  Ultimately, I was in this funk because I was angry with God, and I began believing lies.

I have been hard on my body image since I gained some weight. I have been sad and letting myself dissolve into this idea that I will be alone forever. I have been waking up in the middle of the night stressing about work because I want to be perfect at my job.

I realized that I have been defining myself and who I am with worldly things. I have been defining myself by how much I weigh and how well I do my job. I have been defining myself as a single person.

When really I am not defined by any of those things. I am defined as a beautiful daughter who is loved by God completely despite my mistakes and my sins.

I read this post from International House of Prayer, and it said “Self hatred comes from only seeing our worth and success according to the flesh and comparison. Let God define you!”

This really stood out to me as I was doing exactly that… Defining myself with worldly things and ideas. My Weight, My Job, My Relationship Status.

Recently, I have been trying to push through this funk. I, first, had to deal with my anger with God. I had to let go of my expectations in dating, and my anger with God that I have had to wait and will have to wait for a while. I truly need to put God first in my life… Make Him my number one and be satisfied with just that.

Then, I had to address the lies I began believing … that I have to be perfect in my career, that my body needs to be thin to be beautiful and acceptable, and that being single means I am lonely.

I have to attack these thoughts and lies that I tell myself. I will make mistakes in my career, and as long as I work hard, things will be okay. My body is beautiful no matter how much I weigh. Being single is not who I am. 

I am smart. I am beautiful. I am not lonely. I am full in God’s presence.

James 1:12 (NIV)

¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.